I would go to this guys church anyday.

Listening

Today I was thinking about listening and it occurred to me that I have to work to listen even when I am just listening to the quiet. If I don't stop myself from thinking and intentionally hear the quiet, sometimes I miss it altogether. Isn't that ironic?

Church: Re-imagined

Sometimes I get on a visionary kick. Somedays I feel as if I can do anything, be anything, and create anything. I know it sounds kind of juvenile and naive, but there are times when I re-imagine the world and completely believe that it could change! Actually, those times happen more often than not. 

Since (as demonstrated by my last post) I have recently been thinking about the church, I decided to start day dreaming about a new kind of church. As I was contemplating this, I got really excited about the idea! I don't think it is enough for us to hold onto the same kind of structure, we need to build something entirely different than what our world has seen before. Something as old as dirt, but that feels completely new. I thought how I wanted to get back to experiencing God together, and I think it is possible.

What if we had an experience church. One with no pastor who gives weekly sermons. What if the people take ownership of the church and our weekly gatherings were led by the members of the church themselves. It wouldn't be so much instruction on how to live your life as it would be sharing life together.

I imagine board games available for people who just want to show and and play games with one another in community. Having fun together is crucial, and I think we tend to forget that a lot. It is also great for building fellowship and helps us learn to love one another.

In another room we could just have space for discussions. If you want to talk about something you could lead a discussion at church the next week. It could be anything from abortion or politics to lonliness or depression. No topic is off limits. And all would be welcome: kids, teens, adults... anyone. We wouldn't seperate from one another, we would all learn from each other! People just need space to talk to each other, and time to be heard. We should be intentionally doing this for one another!

Worship would be freestyle.  Anyone could bring there instrument (kazoos are welcome too!) or you could just join in. It would be spontaneous, but welcome. People would pray for one another, build up relationships, plan to volunteer or serve together.

The church I imagine would be about experiencing God together. It would be a commitment to one anothers lives, to sharing with one another and taking care of each other. We would be the church to each other so that we could be the church to the world. With space and love. Not structured sermons and watered down worship. It would be a family of believers experiencing the goodness of God together. A taste of his kingdom. A place where people could just be. Just come and not have to do or be anything, just exist and be loved for it.

I don't think that people would find the need to hunt for a church that fits their specific needs if church were this way, because the church would be what you need it to be! Although, I do realize I am being extremely idealist here. I just feel that the world is ready for something new. People are thirsting to EXPERIENCE God... not just hear about Him. And we are thirsting to experience one another too (that's sometimes the best way to learn about God anyway). Afterall... the church is the people.

It is a love it/hate it kinda thing

Recently, I have become an employee of a church. As a previously hesitant church-goer, I wasn't sure how I would do as a person who was regularly expected to participate in Sunday morning church activities and the like. Something about the American church has always kept me at a distance. I'm still not quite sure what it is. Maybe it is the idea that Christians have to sit through a sermon on Sunday mornings to be considered part of the church. Maybe it is the adventurous part of me that wants to be moving and exploring all the time... lets face it, our generation is not exactly one that focuses too much on settling down. Anyway, the other day I was sitting in a meeting (enjoying what was going on) and I began to think about why going to church has been difficult for me. (Before I continue, let me make it clear, that this is not my opinion of the church I am working at, but rather my view of the American Church in general.)

Recently, the church has become a tool for evangelism. We focus our time and efforts on getting non-believers to come in our doors, find Jesus, and help us continue to recruit others. The sermons have to become "Seeker-friendly" and even small groups continually work to bring in new people. So much effort is going in to conversion rather than life transformation. In my opinion, the church should be a place for fellowship and growth. The church is a place made up of faithful believers who are working to follow God's Word together, people with an alternative way of living. It is not about bringing as many new people in as possible, and if that is our focus, we have lost our way. In Acts, people were loving one another and working to grow with each other, and others naturally saw that and wanted to join. I do believe there is a time for evangelism, but I do not believe it is at the pulpit. Being a faithful follower of God does not mean we need to convert the most amount of people. Being a faithful follower of God does not mean that we need to focus on how to make our own lives better. Being a follower of God means we have to work together to love a broken world, and join in the effort to bring His kingdom of peace and love to all of creation.

When churches focus so heavily on "bringing people to Christ" (I know this blog has contained a lot of Christan-ese) we lose the fact that we have to care for one another as well. We can not allow ourselves to become so intent upon conversion that we fail to be the Church. People do not want to join a mission. They want to join a family.

Being Home

I anticipated that being home would be hard, and I was right. It is not so much the reverse culture shock that is getting me, I DO wish everyone was speaking Romanian and that the grocery store didn't have to be inside with everything boxed, but I was expecting that and can handle it. It is the longing to be in a place that I can't be right now that makes it so difficult!

I love my family, and friends, and the support network I have here, but it isn't where I feel like I am supposed to be! I feel like God is calling me to be in Moldova and I hate feeling like I am not listening to God by being in the states. I'm really really trying to trust in the wisdom of the WMF Staff from Moldova. I do trust them, and I know that I am not the only one who is capable of listening to God and discerning what he wants. It is just extremely hard to trust in that when I so strongly believe that that is the place I am supposed to be right now!

I have had dreams every (and I mean every) night since I have been home of things that I could have done differently so that I could have stayed. I don't allow myself to think about it during the day very much, so I think my longing comes out at night. The other night I dreamed that I decided to live homeless in Chisinau (an idea which did actually cross my mind at the time, lol). I just feel like there are so many "if only" situations, that maybe I could still be there!

When I do allow myself to think about it during the day, I spend my time teaching myself Romanian and/or looking up opportunities for people to live and work in Chisinau. I have found every international school in the city, looked at Youth for Christ International, and even things that I could do with the American Embassy over there. In my heart though, I know I want to go back with Word Made Flesh, and maybe I will be able to someday. I am just impatient.

It just hurts. Being human really hurts. It hurts to feel unwanted and to feel abandoned. It hurts to feel jealous and lonely. It hurts to feel like you are not valuable. I am trying to hard to remind myself that all of those things are lies. I am not unwanted, abandoned, or alone. I have lots of value and no need to be jealous because God has great things for me! I am trying, but some days I don't do so well.

Right before all of this happened in Chisinau I began to pray that God would humble me. I felt like I was becoming a bit prideful and leaning on my own strength instead of God's. I vocalized this to both my team mates and one of my good Moldovan friends. They all prayed for me, and I prayed for it too. He did not humble me in the way I expected Him to at all! I never meant that I wanted to leave, but that's what happened, and believe me I have been humbled!

I do think joy and hope are really important things though! I think that joy and hope are what keep us moving, what keep us motivated. Its kind of fun to look for joy in places where joy is not obvious. It is really healing to search for hope in places of despair. And it is freeing to trust in God and not rely on my own abilities to accomplish things and heal brokenness. Maybe that is what god wanted for me in all of this mess.

How to Make a Fool of Yourself in a Foreign Country

My last day in Moldova was the perfect opportunity for me to misinterpret someone!I mean, you can't leave a foreign place and not have at least one really dumb thing you did to tell people, right?

So after getting a snack at this delicious Turkish cafe, a group of us were walking in Centru (the downtown area of Chisinau) and a couple of the girls in my group decided to go look in a store. While they did that, the rest of us waited outside where there just happened to be a pack of stray puppies. Now, anyone who knows me knows I can not pass up the opportunity to play with puppies, so I was really excited when I remembered that I had half a lavash (a sort of sandwich wrap) left in my purse from the evening before. I got it out, tore it into pieces and began to feed the dogs.

As I was doing this a little old lady walked past. She was this adorable little thing with tufts of white hair and a head scarf. She came up to me and began to speak to me in Romanian. Since the phrases I know in Romanaian are very limited, our team leader began to interpret for me. The woman was telling me these really beautiful things! She was saying how she felt as if I were really feeding her instead of the dogs because I was taking care of them. She told me how God cares for the small things that can't care for themselves and he must be filled with joy watching me care for his creation. She crossed herself and continued speaking to me. Then she looked at me and pointed to her forehead. I did not understand what she wanted so she tried again, she pointed at me and then pointed at her own forehead. So what do you think I did????

I grabbed her head with both of my hands and I kissed her forehead.

That is not what she meant. It was just at that point that everyone else walked out of the store. Oh man, I was SOOOO embarrassed.

I found out later that what they lady had actually meant was "Where are you from?" because I was wearing the awesome bandana that my friend Magda had gotten me of the Moldovan flag (how cool is that people!) Thus, she was pointing to my head and trying to communicate about my bandana.

Looking back, I'm not sure why I didn't just turn around and ask what she was saying to me. How was it that my first reaction was to kiss this random woman? I don't know,  but I must say it did make for a whole lot of laughter =)

La revedere pentru acum

Friends and family, my heart is breaking as I write this to you, but I need to let you all know that due to some very difficult circumstances I had to leave Chisinau before my time with my servant team ended. I am writing this blog from the comfort of home, where I can flush my toilet paper and drink the water from the sink, but I would gladly give so much of this up to be back in the beautiful country of Moldova. Unfortunately, at this point that is not possible.

The Word Made Flesh staff and my teammates made me feel so loved and valued as we prepared to say good-bye to one another. I have honestly never met a community comprised of more beautiful people. From the moment it became clear that I could no longer stay in Moldova I met nothing but love and care from those surrounding me. Each member of staff made time to pray with/for me, share meals with me, and just spend quality time enjoying life with me. We did everything from going to a communist style amusement park and riding really sketchy roller coasters to walking through the art plaza to find souvenirs to getting some really good Moldovan (and in a couple cases Turkish) food. We drank coffee, played volleyball with the children, fed stray puppies, and cried together. 

I was taken to the airport by an entire entourage of people who waited with me until the very last minute. Before I went through security my team and those who came to say good-bye prayed over me and I prayed for them. We held one another and cried, but I know that that was not the end. I know I will some day return to my friends there. God is a God of hope and joy, and though this is really painful, I trust in His goodness.

For those of you thinking to yourselves "What happened to the money I donated to Megan" be comforted that it is being put to really good use. Some of it was given to me before I left to use as I chose to help build up the community I was a part of. The rest of the money was put into the field budget which will go to help program costs at the internat where I was working, and frankly, I do not know anyone who deserves that money to be spent on them more than the beautiful kids that I interacted with. I am so thankful to know that even though I can no longer be physically present with the kids, the money I raised will still be going to help them.

Though it was necessary for me to leave the program right now, I fully intend on returning to Moldova. I know with all of my heart that it is where I am meant to be long term. When the time is right, I hope to return with Word Made Flesh as an intern (as opposed to a servant team member) and then to commit to living there on a permanent basis.  My heart is so filled with love for this place and these people, I can not imagine doing anything else.

So thank you to those of you who supported me financially. Thank you to those of you who prayed (please continue, I think I need them now more than ever). And thank you to those of you who were a part of this journey with me. To my team... Jessie, Heather, and Amanda. To the WMF staff: Annie, Rachel, Rahela, John, Adriana, Mariana, Magda, and Violeta. Thank you for loving me through all of this. Know that you are loved and valued, and deeply deeply missed. La revedere pentru acum:Goodbye for now.