Being Home

I anticipated that being home would be hard, and I was right. It is not so much the reverse culture shock that is getting me, I DO wish everyone was speaking Romanian and that the grocery store didn't have to be inside with everything boxed, but I was expecting that and can handle it. It is the longing to be in a place that I can't be right now that makes it so difficult!

I love my family, and friends, and the support network I have here, but it isn't where I feel like I am supposed to be! I feel like God is calling me to be in Moldova and I hate feeling like I am not listening to God by being in the states. I'm really really trying to trust in the wisdom of the WMF Staff from Moldova. I do trust them, and I know that I am not the only one who is capable of listening to God and discerning what he wants. It is just extremely hard to trust in that when I so strongly believe that that is the place I am supposed to be right now!

I have had dreams every (and I mean every) night since I have been home of things that I could have done differently so that I could have stayed. I don't allow myself to think about it during the day very much, so I think my longing comes out at night. The other night I dreamed that I decided to live homeless in Chisinau (an idea which did actually cross my mind at the time, lol). I just feel like there are so many "if only" situations, that maybe I could still be there!

When I do allow myself to think about it during the day, I spend my time teaching myself Romanian and/or looking up opportunities for people to live and work in Chisinau. I have found every international school in the city, looked at Youth for Christ International, and even things that I could do with the American Embassy over there. In my heart though, I know I want to go back with Word Made Flesh, and maybe I will be able to someday. I am just impatient.

It just hurts. Being human really hurts. It hurts to feel unwanted and to feel abandoned. It hurts to feel jealous and lonely. It hurts to feel like you are not valuable. I am trying to hard to remind myself that all of those things are lies. I am not unwanted, abandoned, or alone. I have lots of value and no need to be jealous because God has great things for me! I am trying, but some days I don't do so well.

Right before all of this happened in Chisinau I began to pray that God would humble me. I felt like I was becoming a bit prideful and leaning on my own strength instead of God's. I vocalized this to both my team mates and one of my good Moldovan friends. They all prayed for me, and I prayed for it too. He did not humble me in the way I expected Him to at all! I never meant that I wanted to leave, but that's what happened, and believe me I have been humbled!

I do think joy and hope are really important things though! I think that joy and hope are what keep us moving, what keep us motivated. Its kind of fun to look for joy in places where joy is not obvious. It is really healing to search for hope in places of despair. And it is freeing to trust in God and not rely on my own abilities to accomplish things and heal brokenness. Maybe that is what god wanted for me in all of this mess.

How to Make a Fool of Yourself in a Foreign Country

My last day in Moldova was the perfect opportunity for me to misinterpret someone!I mean, you can't leave a foreign place and not have at least one really dumb thing you did to tell people, right?

So after getting a snack at this delicious Turkish cafe, a group of us were walking in Centru (the downtown area of Chisinau) and a couple of the girls in my group decided to go look in a store. While they did that, the rest of us waited outside where there just happened to be a pack of stray puppies. Now, anyone who knows me knows I can not pass up the opportunity to play with puppies, so I was really excited when I remembered that I had half a lavash (a sort of sandwich wrap) left in my purse from the evening before. I got it out, tore it into pieces and began to feed the dogs.

As I was doing this a little old lady walked past. She was this adorable little thing with tufts of white hair and a head scarf. She came up to me and began to speak to me in Romanian. Since the phrases I know in Romanaian are very limited, our team leader began to interpret for me. The woman was telling me these really beautiful things! She was saying how she felt as if I were really feeding her instead of the dogs because I was taking care of them. She told me how God cares for the small things that can't care for themselves and he must be filled with joy watching me care for his creation. She crossed herself and continued speaking to me. Then she looked at me and pointed to her forehead. I did not understand what she wanted so she tried again, she pointed at me and then pointed at her own forehead. So what do you think I did????

I grabbed her head with both of my hands and I kissed her forehead.

That is not what she meant. It was just at that point that everyone else walked out of the store. Oh man, I was SOOOO embarrassed.

I found out later that what they lady had actually meant was "Where are you from?" because I was wearing the awesome bandana that my friend Magda had gotten me of the Moldovan flag (how cool is that people!) Thus, she was pointing to my head and trying to communicate about my bandana.

Looking back, I'm not sure why I didn't just turn around and ask what she was saying to me. How was it that my first reaction was to kiss this random woman? I don't know,  but I must say it did make for a whole lot of laughter =)

La revedere pentru acum

Friends and family, my heart is breaking as I write this to you, but I need to let you all know that due to some very difficult circumstances I had to leave Chisinau before my time with my servant team ended. I am writing this blog from the comfort of home, where I can flush my toilet paper and drink the water from the sink, but I would gladly give so much of this up to be back in the beautiful country of Moldova. Unfortunately, at this point that is not possible.

The Word Made Flesh staff and my teammates made me feel so loved and valued as we prepared to say good-bye to one another. I have honestly never met a community comprised of more beautiful people. From the moment it became clear that I could no longer stay in Moldova I met nothing but love and care from those surrounding me. Each member of staff made time to pray with/for me, share meals with me, and just spend quality time enjoying life with me. We did everything from going to a communist style amusement park and riding really sketchy roller coasters to walking through the art plaza to find souvenirs to getting some really good Moldovan (and in a couple cases Turkish) food. We drank coffee, played volleyball with the children, fed stray puppies, and cried together. 

I was taken to the airport by an entire entourage of people who waited with me until the very last minute. Before I went through security my team and those who came to say good-bye prayed over me and I prayed for them. We held one another and cried, but I know that that was not the end. I know I will some day return to my friends there. God is a God of hope and joy, and though this is really painful, I trust in His goodness.

For those of you thinking to yourselves "What happened to the money I donated to Megan" be comforted that it is being put to really good use. Some of it was given to me before I left to use as I chose to help build up the community I was a part of. The rest of the money was put into the field budget which will go to help program costs at the internat where I was working, and frankly, I do not know anyone who deserves that money to be spent on them more than the beautiful kids that I interacted with. I am so thankful to know that even though I can no longer be physically present with the kids, the money I raised will still be going to help them.

Though it was necessary for me to leave the program right now, I fully intend on returning to Moldova. I know with all of my heart that it is where I am meant to be long term. When the time is right, I hope to return with Word Made Flesh as an intern (as opposed to a servant team member) and then to commit to living there on a permanent basis.  My heart is so filled with love for this place and these people, I can not imagine doing anything else.

So thank you to those of you who supported me financially. Thank you to those of you who prayed (please continue, I think I need them now more than ever). And thank you to those of you who were a part of this journey with me. To my team... Jessie, Heather, and Amanda. To the WMF staff: Annie, Rachel, Rahela, John, Adriana, Mariana, Magda, and Violeta. Thank you for loving me through all of this. Know that you are loved and valued, and deeply deeply missed. La revedere pentru acum:Goodbye for now.

Whoops

The other day I accidently asked for some bread and a cow. Whoops. I meant butter.

National Women's Day

In Moldova everyone celebrats Opt Marti, or the 8th of March. It is National Women's Day where women are honored. It was really sweet, men everywhere bring flowers to the women in their lives and girls get together and celebrate being women! It is a national holiday, so everything closes and everyone has the day off!

Last night, to celebrate, we went over to Magda's house (one of the Moldovian women on the WMF staff). There were about 15 women there and we worshipped together and Mariana (another member of the WMF staff) gave a talk about how we are princesses of God. We all went around and namend beautiful things about ourselves and honored how God made us.

There was one Moldovan woman there who spoke French, so we got to ahve a conversation that I could actually understand!!!! We also played lots of games together (Pictionary, 4 on a couch, and a game where we were all animals and had to find our pair... whioch was actually more difficult than it sounds because Moldovan animals make different sound than American ones haha!)

Julia and another girl from the internant who is 14 were both there as well! I loved watching these girls become empowered by the evenings events, and being able to encourage them and let them know that they have worth and value just because they exist! Julia even baked a carrot (morcov) cake for us all! We wrote one another cards to encourage each other.

One of my favorite things about Moldovan culture is their good-byes. People here do not merely sy good-bye and then walk out. Everyone has to give a speech and wish everyone well in some beautiful flowery way before they go. I attempted to do this last night, but accidently ended up saying I am so glad for all of your food (I meant to say joy).

I think every culture should celebrate Opt Marti. Totally amazing holiday!!!!!

Beautiful Love

There is this little girl I want to tell you all about. For the sake of protecting her identity, I will call her Julia.

Julia is an orphan. She lives at the school where I work, and is 9 years old... but looking at her you would think she is only 7 at the most. She has these giant brown eyes and a very serious face, loves to draw and make cards for people, and rarely talks.

This week the kids at the school were on vacation. For most of them, this means spending a week with their parents (if they have any) or visiting a relative. Julia had no one to go to, so the Word Made Flesh staff decided to make her a part of their family. For the week, Julia got to takes turns staying with different members of the community (all who wanted to spend as much time as possible with her).

It was so beautiful to watch this little child, who is deemed an orphan by most of the world, be cared for by so many people. When it was Annie's turn to keep her, she was over at our place all the time (she kicked my butt in checkers!) As I was sitting playing with her, it struck me how amazing it is that so many people would be devestated if she were adopted. If Julia were not there, she would be missed so much! I know many tears would be shed... by the staff and by Julia. She is truely loved and cared for. She has a family.

The more I hung out with her, the more I fell in love as well! I would spend 10 minutes trying to communicate a simple question to her in Romanian and she would just sit there with her big eyse and patiently wait until she understood. Then she would give me a quick answer and we would keep playing. A couple times she would run to Annie and say something in quick Romanian and then Annie would translate a sweet little phrase to me. She even made me a card (I'm pretty sure I will treasure it forever!)

I am so honored to be a part of this organization after I watched how they treat orphans. I am so honored to be a part of Julia's life.

Piata (The Market)

Today I had my first experience in the Moldovan "Piata" (pronounced pee-ah-t-za). But before that, we went to out first Moldovan church service. After my teammates and I met up with Annie (Our hair covered and our skirts long) we took the autobus to church in Cientra (Chee-en-truh) which is pretty much down-town Chisinau. We walked to the main church right in the center of the city which is an orthodox church. Pretty much everyone here is Orthodox. It was soooo packed that people were standing smushed up against one another even outside the building. It made me think how crazy it is that we have such big churches in America and they are never really fully filled, and here they have smaller churches where people are desperate to get in and willing to stand for 4 hours for the sermon. That church was so full, Annie actually took us to another church close by (also Orthodox) . There were a lot of people begging there, and it was so hard to walk past mothers holding children on church steps begging for money and not give anything! After church, we went for lunch and coffee/hot chocolate! We got to order in Romanian, so that was a lot fun.

Next came the Piata. The Moldovan market. It was crazy and hectic and stressful and wonderful. I loved it so much, it was a huge outdoor place where you could get anything in the world. We did some grocery shopping  and we got things like shampoo, pillows, and head scarves for church. I was so proud of myself  for knowing numbers because it sure came in helpful. Everyone there was really nice and it was quite obvious we were American! Although, one woman thought we were French =) We ordered lots and got very good at saying "half a kilo" in Romanian. After today, I'm pretty convinced that anyone should make a trip to Moldova sometime in their life just to experience this!

I am so excited for my adventure here, I can't believe it has only been 3 days! I am already exhausted, but it is so much fun. I adore the culture and the people, and playing Romanian Bulderdash with my teammates at night. I hope you all are well too, thank you for all of your support and helping me come to this wonderful place. Annie said to us all the other day "It is not the story of me and God together, it is the story of you and you and you and me and God. It is all of our stories wrapped together!"

If you would like to keep up to date with my teammates blog as well (for a different perspective... or to see if she's writing and crazy stuff about me) here is her link:
www.amandajomartin.wordpress.com

Love you all,
Nopte Buna!